I suppose it's the "about to leave for college"-ness, and the "school startingness" that hangs over Rockwall this time of year that causes people to want to catch up more than usual, but I have really enjoyed it. I'm actually kind of upset at myself for putting it off until there's two weeks left, because I've been missing out this past year on some super neat people. I've always been one to enjoy good long talks about anything and everything with some depth and meaning mixed in, and in like the past week, I've had like 5 good conversations. I miss that. These talks used to be a weekly occurrence for me, but they haven't been before this summer.
I don't have a ton of deep thoughts.. mostly just ready for a new normal. I very vividly recall typing that sentence about 2 years ago on xanga, and didn't expect to be typing it again this soon, but here we are none the less. And not just because the old normal is gone and college is starting and I'm curious about new people and stuff, but what is normal going to look like for me in a year? Two? Ten? I have no clue. and I'm ready for a clue. But just that Don't bring the curtain up, but at least stick a sign out saying when the show will start. Normal is something totally relative, but what I feel like my life is right now is not normal.. It's very in between and something's going to give in me. Something about me will leave or something new will come in, just like it did last time I typed that sentence and what the HECK is it..
I've mentioned this to a couple of friends about how the first two or three weeks of college will be everyone sizing each other up, and first impressions and all. And i've been thinking, what an opportunity to seize. These people don't know who I am, what I'm about, and better yet, what my major flaws are. I have this golden ticket to get rid of the things I want to change, and no one will be the wiser, and I will be better for it. How often in life does that happen? where you're thrust into an environment where everyone is strangers pretty much, and it's up to you to show them who you are. Of course I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not, and I'm not going to put on an act, but I want to start to practice things I've learned that could better myself and the way I represent Father to others. For starters : Gentleness. A quality that gets passed over usually, but one that is so needed in my life. I don't think I'm super abrupt or too in your face or critical, but I'm definitely not someone who would be described as gentle, I don't think. When I walk into a room, I'm pretty sure that other's spirits aren't more at rest than before. When I open my mouth, I don't spread peace with the content and tone of my words. Am I always approachable? Am I always ready to calm a storm? Sure I don't want to be this calm docile creature who is always smiling and saying "God bless you..I mean it", but from different sources, first impressions of me have been that I am intense. My sarcasm is over the top, and they are scared to get too close to me. How heartbreaking. I'm sure Jesus was funny. I know for a fact the greatest missionary ever (Paul) is one of the sassiest sarcastic people I've ever heard of, but it's the timing. It's the tones, it's the faces that accompany words, it's body language, it's the turning it off when I need to that makes and breaks my efforts to be gentle. And something that must come with gentleness I've discovered is discernment and wisdom beyond anything I can do by myself. I've been praying for wisdom since I was in 11th grade and I feel that God has blessed me with a good bit, but do I use it in the right ways, and places, if at all as much as I need to? It's a lot of pressure..But this is way to valuable an opportunity to give up on. I've kind of started to get better, but being Gentle is a lot harder than just shutting up more than normal.. and with that, I leave you with this..Somehow, that Paul always knows how to get me. Darn him!
Colossians 4:5-6 Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders. Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
seriously??...did I not just say I needed to do all of that? It's like Jesus lives inside me or something and tells me what needs to happen, and if I don't listen, he just does it anyway..
and THAT, my friends, was sarcastic.
P.S.- Winter, please come with haste
