I miss childhood

I've been coming to my gradparents 700 acre ranch twice a year or more my entire life. But when I was younger this place held so much more wonder and excitement for me. I could sit and play with the dogs all day and not be bored, or go and play dress up with my cousins and make loud noises with my toys in the kids bedroom while the parents did the dinner dishes, or play in the fort for hours on end and never get bored with any of it. Things were so much bigger too. I remember not being able to reach the sink here, or see over the front of the jeep. I remember being to little to hunt, so I just walked along or sat next to whoever would let me. I remember how long of a walk to was to the cow pens, and how short it seems now. Strange how fast time goes.. I think I miss pretending the most. I was a very imaginative child and could make people out of my hands to play with on long car rides. I could play house by myself. I LOVED pretending. I think that's why this place isn't as exciting..

But in a different way, the ranch has become something totoally different for me. I appreciate the work behind all the activities like hunting and horseback riding and dinner, because now I'm big enough to do all of it where as a child I just experienced it. Also the beauty and wonder of nature is much more apparent to me now that I'm old enough to truly appreciate and love the outdoors; to be able to get up at 6 by myself and drive in a truck to the deer stand and cbe able to just sit and watch nature perform for 3 hours is a beautiful thing all it's own. Not that dress up isn't fun, but i guess what I'm saying is I found a new kind of fun. This place is like a sanctuary for me, a haven if you will. Due to lack of cell phone reception and limited internet access, i'm truly alone when I'm by myself.

I've also grown to love the organized chaos of my family. My grandmother is just that, and everyone knows her word is law. My aunt is crazy and my uncle the one to go to with questions about any kind of outdoor equipment. My cousins are wonderful and force me to feel at least 5 years younger when I play with them. My dad can always find the best movies on TV and my mom is always up for random hunting trips and late night jeep rides. My brother and sister provide older but not too old of company for me to relate to better, and they understand the "That's what she said" joke. Try explaining that to your grandma..Mix all this together and you get a lot of screaming, a lot of arguing, and a lot of fun.

but somehow at the end of the week I'm still ready to go home..

Happy new year..

I get by with a little help from My friends

I've had some time to use up during this not so humorous online driving course, so I've decided to begin blogging again. Although I'm not feeling very deep right now, I'll just share thoughts I suppose. This is more for me, than for whoever might read this, but I'll add some exclamation points here and there.

I've been thinking about regrets this evening (right now really), and the few I have, and the few that have potential to head down this road. For instance, I won't be in high school after that silly week Rockwall has before finals. As much as I'm excited about the free time, the change of pace, and the chance to get a head start on things collegiate, I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake. I've renewed a lot of old acquaintances this semester, seeing as most of my good friends graduated all ready, and I've really enjoyed catching up. But at the same time, I'm reminded of why a lot of those friendships were severed. I don't feel like I fit in with the majority of my peers at good 'ol RHS. It hasn't made me all quiet and sad or upset, because I have enough good friends, some that are at school, but I feel like an outsider who's been accepted. So in a way, leaving next semester won't be that huge of a deal, because I'VE alienated myself; sometimes on purpose, other times on accident. I'm worried that the friendships I've re opened and began this semester are friendships that don't need to be left hanging, like I still have work to do and a purpose to fullfill. So am I missing an oppurtunity to walk through a door God has opened for me, or am I being laced in a different field to impact. Have I left mar on Rockwall High School or was I white noise.. I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see. I think I'm maing a good choice.

On a more tangible note, December has disappointed me this year. I know the last week will be wonderful, but the 22 days preceding have come up short of expectaions. Winter is my time.. Most of the clothes I have that aren't T-shirts and are semi-formal are winter clothes that require layering and such, so I get a chance to dress up every once in awhile. Layering in general is just so wonderful to me. I love it. But when temperature go from 40 to 70 overnight, it throws off my wardrobe cycle. Plus I can't tell whether I need a scarf or not, which is a HUGE issue! Also, cold weather is what makes the holiday season for me. It's what changes my mindset from Ghosts and black cats to turkeys and nativity scenes. It's like the butter on corn on the cob; you can eat it without the butter, but there's no way you can enjoy it. January better be good.. Like cream cheese on a bagel good.
(on a side note, wildlife tends not to move when it's warm, making the hunting of said edible creatures very boring..)

But all this to say, I hope the new year brings, well, something new. Not to say 2007 was bad or good, but that 2008 is screaming with potential.

this post might have been a head of it's time, but it's the station where the train ended up...